Why Jesus Creates Sex - Pastor Mark Driscoll

Lovers and Their Loving God...

While it only takes one spouse to be friendly, it takes both spouses to be friends. When both spouses are unfriendly, the marriage is marked by conflict and coldness. When one spouse is friendly and the other is unfriendly, the marriage is marked by selfishness and sadness. But when both spouses make a deep, heartfelt covenant with God to continually seek to become a better friend, the marriage is marked by ever-increasing longing and love.

Guard Your Heart

Sadly, it is common to hear married people speak of “falling out of love” with their spouse and “falling in love” with someone else in adultery. By using the language of “falling,” people are cleverly avoiding any responsibility, as if they are simply required to follow their heart. However, the Bible tells us not to follow our heart, but rather “guard” it because it is prone toward selfishness and sin (Prov. 4:23; Jer. 17:9).

“Love is often first an action based upon obedience to God that results in a feeling for our spouse.”

According to the Bible, love does not come from our hearts, but rather through our hearts. This is because “God is love,” and in relationship with God through Jesus Christ by the Holy Spirit we receive God’s love to share with others (1 John 4:7–21). It is through the presence of God the Holy Spirit in our life that we are able to love our spouse with God’s love. Galatians 5:22 says, “the fruit of the Spirit is love.” Also, Romans 5:5 says, “God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Even when we don’t feel like being loving with our spouse, we can give love to them and receive love from them if we live a Spirit-filled life.

Love is a Verb

In the Bible, love is often a feeling. Rather than being a feeling that promotes action, though, it is often first an action based upon obedience to God that results in a feeling for our spouse. This explains why the Bible commands husbands to love their wives (Eph. 5:25) and wives to love their husbands (Titus 2:4), rather than commanding them to feel loving. This further explains why the Bible even commands us to love our enemies (Matt. 5:43–47).

“Christian marriage is reciprocal acts of covenant love.”

Thus, love is a verb in the Bible. Love is what we do. Like Jesus’ love for us, marital love is a covenant commitment that compels us to act for the good of our spouse. This also explains why perhaps the most popular wedding Scripture of all time depicts love as a series of verbs, or things to be done: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Cor. 13:4–7).

Covenant Love

Christian marriage is reciprocal acts of covenant love. This includes the little things, such as not always getting our way but often eating at the restaurant, watching the movie, and doing the activity that our spouse likes. This also includes studying our spouse to find ways we can give love to them and receive love from them to build our friendship with them.

In what ways has your spouse loved you with God’s love?
In what ways have you failed to love your spouse with God’s love?

This post originally appeared on the Mars Hill Church  blog.

And was re-posted at http://www.theresurgence.com/ on Valentines Day 2011



How a Godly Man Dates a Woman....

We talk a lot about biblical marriage, dating, and relationships here at Mars Hill. Here’s an interview with one Ballard member about his experience living that out.


In order to avoid the nasty divorce they watched their parents go through in the ’70s and ’80s when divorce rates peaked, many couples today are deciding to live together, have kids, and maybe at some point down the road – if they really feel the need, say, for insurance or something – they go ahead and get married … maybe. Most of us know a couple or family who fit this profile. But it’s a trend that Christian couples can’t join in on.


This leaves dating, which, to be honest, is a dying trend these days, but one Christian couples are doing their best to pursue. Today, we’ll talk with Andy, a 21-year-old college student at the Ballard campus, about what it means to date a woman within the context of a Christian relationship, i.e. one when you’re not living together or sleeping together. In Christian parlance, he is in what he refers to as a “courting” relationship with his girlfriend, Naomi, also a 21-year-old student.

How is your relationship with Naomi different than your friends’ relationships?

Let me lay a foundation here–there are selfish reasons to date and God-honoring reasons to date. This [unmarried, cohabitating couple I know at work] is in a self-serving relationship: all the benefits, but none of the commitments and responsibilities of being in a marriage.

For me and Naomi, we are wanting a relationship that is honoring to Christ. What it looks like practically, for instance, is our level of expression of affection, emotionally and physically, corresponds to our level of commitment: you don’t have sex before marriage for instance. Also emotional boundaries: I can’t be the one who she attaches herself to; she has to protect her heart because [the relationship] might not end in marriage.

Read the rest of the interview – and watch a 2008 sermon on dating that includes a full-grown man inside a plastic bubble – after the jump:



So for our relationship, it means getting to know each other in groups, at her parents’ house, at my parents’ house. We get to know each other’s friends. This Thursday I’m meeting her dad in Centralia and we get to sit down and chat.

I guess it should also be said that our case is ideal in that we’re 1. we’re both Christians, and 2. we both come from Christian families. So, her dad’s input – because he loves God and he loves his daughter and wants her best – is something I value.

If you do get married, how do you think this plan might impact your kids, your family, your legacy?

The first thing that comes to mind is–right now, what we’re doing, we’re trying to be as wise and as intentional as we can, knowing that we’re laying the foundation for a potential marriage. Step by step in prayer, seeking counsel from our parents, people we look up to–trusting that that will lay a solid foundation–a good foundation…and as far as our kids go–I definitely hope to be able to say to my kids, “Here’s how I did things, you might be able to learn from this–not saying that it’s going to be perfect, but, uh, but I want to be able to point to this as an example as a godly dating–courting–relationship.

What’s the difference between dating and courting?

Dating is usually about meeting a selfish need: I feel lonely, so I’m going to date. Courting is about intentionally building a foundation for a marriage. It’s not just about not feeling lonely anymore; it’s about, “Can we work well together in a Christian marriage?”

Originally Posted at the Marshill Church in Seattle Blog http://www.blog.marshillchurch.org/

(Biblical manhood, Marriage & Dating Series)